Is having in laws that drive you crazy living in the same small town reason enough to move?
By admin on Feb. 17, 2010.
When I married my husband, I moved to the small town where he is from because he worked (still works) for his dad. I agreed to this, not really knowing what I was getting into without having experienced it. I feel like I live in a fishbowl because my husband’s family has lived here on both sides for generations. I can’t go anywhere or do anything without someone reporting back to my mother in law where I was and what I was doing (I don’t even recognize the people sometimes that recognize me!!) We see people we know everywhere we go and have NO PRIVACY!!
My inlaws are very nice people in general, but every little thing they do makes my blood boil because we are so different in our philosophies on things and our approach to life. It has gotten A LOT worse since my 8 month old was born. They ask to get together at least 2 times a week, sometimes more. They are risk-takers so will do things like put a baby on a horse…hold a newborn out the side of a moving "mule" (like a golf cart)…invite the other grandchildren over to be around my child even if they have a fever…We differ on so many views down to religion and they even think it is lying to tell your child about Santa!! They are bigtime into hunting and can’t wait to take my son, but I really don’t want to teach him this. I feel like if I stay here it will be a fight to raise my son like I want to.
My mother in law is very sweet, but so flighty and just doesn’t think before she does or says things. For example, before my son was born, she told me they were going to have one last blowout Christmas for the oldest grandchild before the other grandchildren got old enough to know what was happening (they were going to scale back after the "blowout") and also told me she was "PREPARING herself for a boy" but really wanted a girl (before I knew what my son was.) Once I thought I was being really nice and bought her a very expensive "mother in law" pillow that had sentimental value (the story of Ruth and Esther in the Bible), but she took it back because it didn’t match her decor. They are just little infractions, but over time they have all added up and now I can’t even look at a picture of her without my stomach knotting up.
As far as my father in law he is a good person as well, but very overbearing and just needs a filter over his mouth sometimes!! He will tell me if my hair looks bad or if I’ve dressed my son like a girl. He is very controlling of my MIL, and it drives me crazy how she asks permission to do ANYTHING!! As a couple, they are extremely selfish. For example, this year they said they weren’t doing Christmas presents to scale back. That is fine except don’t buy a 12,000 toy for your Christmas to eachother when you have a son (my husband’s brother) that is only making 25,000 a year!!! They want to see my son and babysit him, but only when it is convenient for them.
My husband’s business is yet another aspect. My husband and his dad started this business together 12 years ago, although his dad did show him the ropes because he had been doing it his whole life. BUT, his dad now has basically retired but still sucks the company dry and is the boss. I feel like if we stay here we will be supporting his parents’ lavish lifestyle at the expense of our child’s college fund!
As you can see, I have a lot of pent up frustration and little infractions that add up. There are many more than I listed, believe me. The bottom line is that I am SO chlosterphobic in this town with all of my husband’s family. My family is 8 hours away and I miss them so much. Now that I have a baby I have realized how much I miss my mom and need her; I should never have agreed to move here.
Is it wrong to demand that my husband move? He has another job opportunity close to my family.
Wow.
Get. Out. Of. There. As. Fast. As. You. Can.
Just a little joke. ^_^
Sounds like you need to have a talk with your husband about how you are feeling. I wouldn’t demand anything but definitely be honest with him about the intensity of your feelings. Hopefully you too can come to a united conclusion about what to do.
If you stay, it sounds like you definitely need to set some boundaries with your in laws. I would recommend the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend – it will guide you through how to be polite but strong in making your comfort zone known with your relatives and how to firmly but respectfully tell them if you just want to have a family night with your husband and son or if they are doing something with your baby you want them to stop.
I really hope everything works out for you, good luck!
Category: horse decor